so i finally worked out how to upload images on this thingy so i thought id put up jus a couple of pictures from last weekend...


christian n ash chylaxin on the couch on the balcony



strummin'



2 am





there was a butt load more but 2 many outta focus. it was a pretty good night...

ive never craved real food so badly in my life. the past 3 nights or there abouts we've had no food/money to buy food with. last night i had 2 pieces of toast and dry flavorless popcorn for dinner and tonight, oats cooked in water with spreadable butter and sugar...oh yea, delicious. it really fucks with your head. 2moro im getting centrelink so ill be doing some grocery shopping in my break. im not buying everything we need and im definately not buying meat cuz im going to my parents this weekend and i refuse to pay for stuff as expensive at chicken when im not gonna be here to eat it. i can not wait to go back to l'gatha and have my parents cooking. i really hope my mum is cooking up a roast, im salivating at the thought.

get this...
i was in melbourne central on my way to safeway with some mates from school when i needed to check my bank balance to see if the money my mum was putting in my account had gone through yet. so while approaching a westpac ATM (the one next to brumbys between safeway n big dubya for those of you playing at home) a guy walked off, leaving his $20 in the ATM cash thingy. first thing i thought was obviously, jackpot, but didnt get too excited cuz i figured he'd be comin back for it any second. so while looking around subtly he was nowhere to be seen, i pocketed the 20. the fact i now had free money on top of the doe my mum was putting in my account my first reaction was to blow it on beer as it was a gorgeous day. i mean for fuck sake child, ur broke, why waste ur money on such luxury?!
so, the story continues...
after buying some things from the store with the money deposited in my account i still had like, 28 somethin dollars left. so on saturday, on my way to buying shit for my bbq i decided id check my account to see how much money i actually had as id b eftposing. my mini statement read i had $6.04. WTF?!?! $28 turned to $6.04? then it all came together. the bank had charged me what they call ASF or whateva, which apparently is using an ATM too many times in the one month or which ive later suspected, could actually be using ATMs other than that of your bank. those fucking pricks!! charge me for using an ATM from another bank cuz THEYRE TOO BROKE/INCAPABLE OF PUTTING N.A.B ATMS AROUND THE CITY FOR THEIR PPL!!!! the fine was for $21.56 or some shit so, as it seems...i got bit in the ass by that little thing called karma. the $28 i thought i had wasnt gonna b enuff for the things i needed to by for that night, so in prepartion i asked my brother if i could borrow $10. thank christ i did...$6.04 cant even by u a roll of toilet paper at coles in sth melb.

moral of the story...i dont even need to tell you.

2moro is thursday. 6 hr break, hell yea! im thinkin spendin money on beers is a bit of a waste. im sure we'll work out something else...
im gonna find something to do that'll take my mind off the fact my body is eating itself from the inside out. oh yea, and i hate to say it. but tom cruise n katie holmes's baby is absolutely adorable!!! yea...im clucky.

adioso
xxx

waddup

finally its the weekend. im so glad, i woke up today in a state of depression yet i still can seem to figure out the possible reason. fuck it tho, ima chick, i dont need a reason...
today and yesterday seriously were the nicest days. i spent thursday afternoon in the sun on the state library lawn n left sometime later for st. kilda beach. me n a couple of friends from class made the mission all the way there (on the way i did some impressive ticket inspector dodging)
as i had a massive craving for a quarter pounder we got lunch n chilled on the pier. even more relaxing was the espy tho, surprisingly there wasnt that many people there. i dont give a fuck what people say about that place, its still one of my favorites. i cannot believe that after the 2 glorious days of sun n spring ive managed to obtain a slight watch tan. yes, im shocked too yet at the same time, very optimistic at the thought that maybe, jus maybe this year will bring a quicker easier tan...one can only hope.
i want my bday to come around so i can get my mp3 player. i miss my ipod soooo much =(
im also lookin forward to my trip to queensland in jan. with the fam. 2 weeks is just enuff time i think, longer than the 10 day trip but not to much that ur waiting till u can go home. having said that i could even wanna stay longer but i get the feeling the excessive sun/heat that is queensland n my missing of melbourne will encourage my return.
2moro night i have the apartment to myself!!! fucking magic.
im havin a bbq n i finally get to see ella for the first time since she left for her navy stuff. i miss her like crazy. nothing huge jus a couple of me mateys n bell n her friend.

i left this for like, half an hr n now im ready for bed...

buenos noches.

i havnt posted anything for ages

nothing exciting has been happening which is why basically. today was my day off from school and i told myself i was gonna do work as i have HEAPS to catch up on- surprise surprise ive got nothing done so far today (its 4:48 in the afternoon)
yesterday was such a nice day. i spent the morning having my drawing class at the botanical gardens. the wind was pretty crazy at times but its not a big deal. in the space of about half an hr about 2000 asian tourists came thru the spot we were drawing, taking photos of each other, swans and funily enough, us too. its pretty fucking annoying like, the only reason they were doing it was cuz theyre asian n they think everything is there to be observed and photographed. ash had some weed left over from our weekend so we smoked a couple of Js n pipes in the sun, kinda amusing that we can do that without getting caught. it was such a relaxing morning, much better than having a class inside. the whole purpose was to document our surroundings with quick sketches we could take back to the studio and create drawings from- a very traditional way of producing pieces of art.the problems is i was too busy laying around getting stoned to even care and drew 3 crappy sketches in the whole 3 hrs we were there. ahh well...
i made a wicked tegan and sara wallpaper for my comp...its pretty rad.
amandy im posting u ur very very late bday card/letter in the mail either 2nite or 2moro. i have no idea how long it'll take to get to u, perhaps a light year or two.
my mums 40th bday celebrations are this weekend. it'll b cool to see fam i havnt seen for a while but i dunno, i always feel kinda weird at those kinda things. i dont much like my cousins n as theyre all 'beautiful people' i get a sense of 'im too good for u' besides that i dont even know them personally...
i really really want a pug dog...

im over this.

p.s - i know this may sound very nerdy of me but im soooo excited that next year, probably in august there will be a transformers movie!!!!
i cant hardly wait!

p.p.s- if this brings about a new fleet of emo wankers wearing transformers tshirts thinking ur soo unpredictable, i will begin my muchly anticipated emo cull.

oh KT tunstall...the joy u bring.

i swear she is the greatest thing thats happened to me musically in a very long time. i cannot wait for a tour!

so yesterday my family came over for my brothers birthday. my poor mum has been unwell recently so i made the entire roast, minus the chickens. it was nice to catch up with them, last time i saw them was well over a month ago. i should be at school right now and feel royally shit for not going. this is the 3rd week in a row ive missed photography and i cant help but feel like its gonna bite me in the ass when it comes to assessment time. i didnt go for the most ridiculous reason. i managed to irritated the shit out of the most delicate skin on my face- around the eye area- which has resulted in it hurting like a fucking bitch, kinda like sunburn. applying mosturizer every 5 mins doesnt seem to be offen enuff. i have 2moro off so hopefully by then it wont b hurting. its jus red n sore and it makes me feel just that little bit worse.

so my brother woke up saturday morning and said "i had the craziest dream last night". its funny cuz as soon as he said it, i knew what he was about to say. yes, he had a dream that i was a lesbian. apparently he walked in on me n another girl in the bath right here in our apartment. the ridiculousness of this is bewildering. a) id lock the door...both doors seeing as the bathroom is between our bedrooms and b) i doubt id have a bath at all let alone with anybody else while he or his gf are at home. i tried my best to laugh it off and state how 'hilarious' that concept is but i dont think i was convincing enough. besides that i actually felt like shit after for lying so badly. its like, im betraying myself. i feel like crap cuz im reminding myself everyday of what i could be missing out on by not coming out, yet i waste perfect opportunities to do so continually.

ive been hanging out a bit with adam from school and as he came up to our apartment witout buzzing (something thats actually required to get into the lift and on our level) michael is convinced adam is a stalker. all he would of done is asked the building manager downstairs to let him in the lift. i dont see what the big deal is but after i realized it was him at the door, i made michael tell him i wasnt home. to cut a long story short, i was invited to a mexican bbq of his brothers gf's brother's and asked him to come thru a little earlier so we could go together cuz i didnt kno where he lived. having said that i figured it'd b in the afternoon sometime and as i hadnt heard from him i figured the plans had been changed n i started making dinner. apparently things were still going to plan, so he rocks up at 6 something thinking id b 'home' without letting me know he was coming. i didnt take to kindly to this n to tell the truth i couldnt really be assed going to the bbq anymore.

i went with him to his brothers place wednesday night n got pretty pissed. we sat around, drank beer, played fifa 2006 n listened to a very nice selection of music. the night was full of exciting things that i cant b bothered mentioning. his brother's gf is mexican n shes really really cute. she was jus like a little mum, feeding us, making sure we were comfortable etc etc. nice chick too....

so i failed to mention that a while ago, like 2 months ago, i started smoking. i knew it was only a matter of time b4 my social 'smokes with beers' smoking morphed into the 'smokes with coffee and at every break' kinda smoking. after that wednesday night though ive quit. i havnt had one in about 5 days nor do i want one. im kinda glad in a way cuz i could feel my every attempt at convincing myself i was gonna quit failing me. i hope its not those things that changes back after a few weeks of withdrawl. anyways...

im gonna go n find some bullshit day time television to watch, or mayb a dvd ive seen about 30990858 times. until then, go to hell...

xxx

stolen from amandy...

Slept naked? Yes
Taken a shower with someone? no
Drove a car? Yes
Stole anything? yes
Are you in love? no
Been dumped? no
Stole money from a friend/family member? yes
Gotten in a car with people you just met? Yes
Been in a fist fight? no
Snuck out of your house? no
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes
Been arrested? No
Hugged a stranger? yes
Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere? Yes
Left your house with out telling your parents? no
Had a crush on your neighbor? no
Ditched school to do something more fun? yes
Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex? yes
Lost a friend? no
Been on a plane? yes
Been to an island? yes
Slept in until 3? no
Love someone or miss someone right now? yes
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? yes
Made a snow angel? no
Played dress up? Yes
Cheated while playing a game? Yes
Been lonely? Yes
Kissed 4 or more people in one night? No
Been to a club? Yes
Felt an earthquake? no
Touched a snake? Yes
Ran a red light? no
Been suspended from school? no
Had detention? yes
Been in a car accident? no
Hated the way you look? Yes
Made yourself do something you didnt want to? Yes
Crawled through a window? no
Been lost? Yes
Been to the opposite side of the country? no
Felt like dying? Yes
Cried yourself to sleep? Yes
Sang karaoke? no
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose? Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? no
Kissed in the rain? no
Sang in the shower? Yes
Made love in a park? No
Had a dream that you married someone? no
Glued your hand to something? yes
Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? No
Ever gone to school partially naked? No
Been a cheerleader? no
Didn't take a shower for a week? No
Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? yes
Played chicken? Yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? no
Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? yes
Broken a bone? No
Been easily amused? Yes
Laugh so hard you cry? Yes
Mooned/flashed someone? no
Cheated on a test? Yes
Done something dumb while drunk? Yes
Blacked out from drinking? yes
Gone to a late night movie? no
Made love to anything not human? No
Failed a class? Yes
Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? yes
Smoked pot? yes
Been Cheated on? no
Celebrate the 4th of July? no
Thrown strange objects? no
Felt like killing someone? Yes
Thought about running away? yes
Ran away? no
Got a piercing? Yes
Cut your own hair? no
Made a parent cry? Yes
Cried over someone? Yes
Owned more than 5 sharpies? the texta? No
Dated someone more than once? no
Had/Have a dog? Yes
Have an iPod? had,yes
Smoked a cigar? yes
Been in a band? no
Drank 25 sodas in a day? no
Broken a CD? Yes
Shot a gun? yes
Wanted someone but could never have? Yes
Have a best friend you would not trade for anyone? Yes
Have a boyfriend / girlfriend? No
Have siblings? yes
Lost someone very close to you? no
Done your own laundry? Yes
Answered honestly to all these questions? Yes

it goes without saying that the latest, greatest and oh-so-amusing trend in this day and age is that of the 'emo'. living in the city allows one to witness the very finest examples of these self hate filled individuals in their natural setting. whats most interesting is that theyre infact, not at all individuals. theyre cut from the same mould, they shop at the same stores, share their nail polish and their little sisters smallest pair of jeans. emos are second only to asians in terms of population (3rd - emo asians) whos numbers still continue to grow rapidly regardless of the ever spreading hate.

i got to thinking after talking with my ppls about emos, that if it werent for them over taking the world, our music charts would be (and i pray this assumption is correct) hmmm, closer to being...ok? take such bands for example...

*simple plan
*green day
*HIM
*my chemical romance
*A.F.I
*good charlotte
*the juliana theory
*matchbook romance
*the used

etc etc

i understand bands like green day and A.F.I have been around for a long while, but we could of been spared the utter arse that is simple plan/ my chemical romance if it wasnt for the pansy arse 14 year olds wearing their mothers make up n dressing in black head 2 toe in 40 degree weather.

having said all this i will say this...
as im big for appreciating a decent song regardless of the genre, bands that apparently constitute being emo have put out songs i enjoy and ill even go as far to say, i like the band...
examples...

*taking back sunday
*the starting line
*armor for sleep
*dredg
*(although unrightfully categorised) tegan and sara
*after the fall
*all american rejects
*finch

also, possibly my favorite musician ever is without question, emo...
the great, trent reznor, NIN
i dont give a fuck tho, he is the fucking greatest as is his music.

after all is said and done, i am not hating on all things emo. afteral emo is short for emotional and i am pretty much constantly that. what ammuses me are those sitting all over the steps at flinders street station, all striving and reaching out for some individuality that none of them will ever have. all i can say is im glad im not a goth cuz thered be some serious shankings going on in the dark of the night...

one more thing...emo brought us nirvana...

stick that in ur pipe n smoke it.

p.s this is very, very amusing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=erTBEcLCY_k&mode=related&search=emo%20kids

well marissa just died on the OC and i didnt watch it. i knew due to my emotional state, watching it would bring me to tears and i wasnt up for such embarassment. not a lot has been happening recently, much of the same shit really. its been so long since i made an entry i cant remember what ive already mentioned n what i havnt. school is much the same, im still trying to get back into the swing of things. ive started smoking. well i started n quit a week later and didnt smoke for about 4 days. it wasnt until i started stressing massively again that i started up the habit once more. i bought a pack today so it should last me the week.

the living situation is grating on my nerves. im not even gonna go into details cuz im actually really tired of complaining and i kno i sound like a broken record. its not one of those things u can talk about with somebody. for one, i gotta live with her. 2 shes my bros gf and 3. this place is tiny and theres nowhere to escape the inevitable tension. my mum is turning 40 this year and i asked my bro if he wanted to put money together n get her something from the two of us. he was cool with that but then mentioned andrea would b putting in money too. now, forgive me if this is unreasonable but im not really down with that. shes my mum and if im gonna get a joint present for her, ill get it with somebody within the family, not a friend too. its not just any birthday, its a milestone and if i cant get her something with just my bro, ill get her something on my own.

we were talking about big brother, more specifically David and i mentioned that in this one particular situation i was suprised he didnt contribute to an argument that was going on, as hes always one for throwing in his 2 cents. i assume that because hes gay, he may feel as though being in the house has given him the strength to stand up for what he believes in and doesnt care what other people think...that usually he'd feel oppressed because of his sexuality.
andreas comment- "try being black"
my mental comment- "no, u try being gay n stop acting so fucking victimised"

another big brother comment one prick said-
"...give chicks an inch they take a mile"
andreas comment- "thats what they'd say about blacks. white people were always saying that about their slaves"

theres plenty more i could bring up but i cant be bothered. and ive gone into detail surprise surprise. this continual (when i say continual i really mean it) reference to color is fucking doing my head in. it jus...ughhh...NEXT!

i downloaded the new 'eagles of death metal' cd today, well most of it. i have to say its not as impressive as their first album. although 'death by sexy' is a pretty freeking rad title.
im gonna go 2 bed now...i cant really b bothered adding anything to this...

nite

xxx

sooo, its been a while...

i went back to school 2day. im surprised actually that it was pretty easy to get up n get ready this morning. i mean aside from the fact there was enuff light coming from under the bathroom door to question the time of day, i felt good enuff to get up. interestingly i havnt been sleeping well since i got back from my parents. i dont get why but i seem to be waking up between 3-4 every morning and not getting back to sleep till atleast half an hr later. maybe im just sleeping lighter. anyway

i felt like shit today. i had this constant sense of nausea that i couldnt shake. drinking and smoking probably didnt help, along with the guilt of spending $20 on nothing. we drew pigs heads in class today, what a nice surprise that was! it wasnt as bad as i expected, mayb cuz we had the morning class which allowed us to escape the smell of decay n dead pig. the eyes were a bit unsettling tho. it was good to see people again, crazy 2 think it'd been a month since we were last together at school.

when is feeling complete sadness frequently, considered actual depression?

living the kind of lifestyle im in now is really taking its toll on me- as a person, how i respond to situations and how i feel about myself and the kind of person i am. i sit here sometimes and wish i could be somebody else. i wish i didnt like girls or atleast have enuff guts to actually admit it to the people that matter. sometimes im like, its ok, u dont have to say anything until the time comes but the more i think about it i wonder what is it exactly im waiting on. whats the point of really waiting? some days i tell myself im straight. some days i tell myself im bi and then i wonder why im even worried about telling people that,and the only reason i can think of is that in actual fact im gay and too afraid to admit it. when my family make comments that arent necessarily homophobic but still hurtful it makes me wanna disappear. i dont know whether its cuz im doing it to myself but sometimes i feel so fucking alone i just wish i didnt have to be who i am and i dont like that feeling. i miss my family, i miss my friends, i miss having money and experiencing the freedom that comes with it. i miss my pets, my dogs n my cats n my bunnies. some people just wouldnt understand this but ive grown up with animals all my life and unlike people, theyre always there when u need them. ive gone from having them to go to, to having nothing and it hurts. i miss having a job and a regular income to give me a sense of security. i feel lost, like im floating around with the people around me fixed to the ground by strings. i know im not the only one in my situation, but in a city u might as well be. i think the most at night, and subsequently, this is when i feel the most depressed. laying in bed crying for an hr b4 i go to sleep is really not my idea of a good time...

but i guess things happen for a reason...

xxx

hey hey

stole this from amandy..thank ya


THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. elle
2. krause
3. noe

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. this and my msn are it. but thats not an s/n thats an email
2.
3.

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my creativity
2. sense of humor
3. my attitude

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my height
2. the fact i dont have a job
3. that im denying every urge i have to "come out"

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. german
2. enligh
3. burmese

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. being alone in the dark
2. scary movies
3. losing the people i love

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. phone
2. money
3. my ipod...BEFORE IT BROKE!!!!

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. jeans
2. ear rings
3. tshirt

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists at the moment):
1. three days grace
2. angels and airwaves
3. KT Tunstall

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. angels and airwaves- do it for me now
2. three days grace- animal i have become
3. teddy geiger- for you i will

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. healthy eating n the gym
2. no alcohol or cigs
3. spontaneous and intuitive art

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. loyalty
2. fun
3. understanding

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE
1. im bored
2. im lonely
3. im happy

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. good hair
2. good style
3. good taste in music

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO / WON'T DO:
1. buy clothes from supre
2. go without meat
3. go out without any money

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. art
2. sleeping?
3. hanging out

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. be so sleepy i have the best sleep ever 2nite
2. be relieved i have a job
3. be excited about having money

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. teaching
2. own a biz
3. art director for a magazine

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. italy
2. spain
3. mexico

THREE KID'S NAMES:
1. liani
2. forest
3. eden

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. have kids
2. travel
3. be remembered for something good.

THREE PEOPLE WHO I WANT TO DO THIS:
1. whoever reads my lj
2. -------
3. -------

I'm frightened at night and the wind has a roar
It seeps through the hall and from under the door
Like the shit that was said
I can't take it that well
I give and I give and I give and I give and I'm still
Lost and hurt and bone thin from the love that's been starved
I know it got close but I'm sure it's too far
From the point of suspense, we know it should be
The end of that part of our favorite movie
When the guy grabs the girl and gives her his hand
Says take me away from this torturous land
Cause the grave is set up, the hole that I dug
I gave and I gave and I gave and I gave you my trust
Like the time that we kissed and you gave me a lie
To add to the scene you pretended to cry
But I'm here and I'm cool, the way that it is
Just give me a chance and I'll try to forgive

And I don't know
And I can't guess
If it's gonna be OK
But now my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here and hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one
I know you can
Won't you do it for me now

I've really had it with the rain of the tears
The predictable storm that has come every year
And it sneaks in from shore with a bat in its hand
I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying I'm trying I can't
You're a thief and a witch but I love you to death
You steal my heart and curse under your breath
But the one thing that I can most willing prove
That when you are gone I'll be fine without you

And I don't know
And I can't guess
If it's gonna be OK
But now my last wish
Is that you do this with me
Kiss me here and hold my hand
Let me feel like I'm the only one
I know you can
Won't you do it for me now?

- ANGELS AND AIRWAVES

according to libra, the following facts make up some of the vital knowledge neccessary during the cycle of your period...

1. a "buccula" is the name given to a person's double chin
2. male monkeys go bald in the same way men do
3. the pelican breathes through its mouth, it has no nostrils.
4. a lobsters kidneys are in its forehead and its teeth are in its stomach. (my favorite fact =P)
5. the highest rating that can be given to a top quality diamond is D-flawless
6. buckingham palace has 600 rooms
7. elephants and short tailed shrews get only 2 hrs of sleep a day
8. the initials M.G on the famous cars stand for Morris Garage
9. the top cork producing counties in the world are spain, portugal and algeria

theres a couple more that i cant quite make out. for those of u who have no idea what im talkin about...u never will.

enjoy

okaay, i think ive had pretty much all i can take of livin here rite now. bein here is driving me nuts, n i have no idea why. im jus sick of not bein able to get away. now some would beg to differ in that i have a whole city at my disposal, but with no dinero it makes it fucking impossible to make the most of it. i cant get on the tram without sitting on the edge of my insanity in fear of copping a fine for not having a ticket. the whole rebeliousness of succeeding in this act has seriously lost its charm n now im jus opting not to use public transport at all. having said that i do sometimes feel a sense of invincibility and travel at my own (unfearful) risk.

how fucking irritating is it when somebody says they are gonna call u, and dont, then apologize and tell u they will the next day...and dont. and when u call them back, they dont answer. so u try again n they still dont answer. so u leave it a day, try again and they STILL dont answer. but after all this is dun, still cant manage to call u back. absolute bullshit!!

do u ever get the feeling when u get a txt that maybe, just maybe, it wasnt meant for u?
thats also absolute bullshit.

i changed my room around today. its kinda surprising how good that can b for the soul considering i had to pull my bed apart and literally transfer the entire contents of my bedroom into the openness of the apartment, jus so i could move it around. i even put my clothes on - wait for it...coathangers. i kno, i kno, this is a big deal seeing as my floordrobe has been in full swing since i was 10. it feels civilised, almost trendy to have my clothes hanging at my convienience. ill give it a week and my crap will be artistically draped everywhere as they once were.

im off to do something else.

bai.

god...

u dont even wanna kno how long it took me to make over my journal

i think she looks pretty damn special


P.S. i fell in love today...with Terra Naomi. if u dig good music by real musicians, check this out...

www.myspace.com/terranaomi

xxx

i cant b assed writing a proper entry...

- i burnt the crap outta my finger the other night. i went to move a pot and the metal under the handle was smoldering and it burnt my finger. it took a good 3 hrs of ice and water to stop it from hurting.
- i went to l'gatha for a week last week to see the fam n such. it was good to escape the city for a while but i was ready to come home.
- caught up with amandy which was nice
- fully didnt miss my bro's gf and could sense some serious tention for some odd reason when i got back. still kinda there...
- am currently looking for a job
- also currently listening to melissa auf der maur.
- my bro and sister have been staying here since thursday night and are leaving tonight. i think its pretty safe to say theyre bored out of their minds.
- realized yet again u cant do shit without a disposible income.
- i already miss school which is so weird. ive never missed school b4 in my life. then again ive never been to a school b4 where im doing what i love most.
- im dying to get another tattoo and piercings too.
- i wanna go shopping! theres so many things i wanna buy its ridiculous. clothes, shoes, accessories etc etc.
- im loving the world cup but im kinda over it too. the only games i get into are when australia are playing. its kinda hard not to get sick of it when its all my brother watches and wants to watch whenever its on. all the replays, game evaluating, player stats and documentaries u can poke a big fat stick at.
- i want a pet...more specifically, i want a snake.
- im finally getting over whateva sickness i was dumped with once i got back to the country. im glad it wasnt the flu.
- speaking of the country it is seriously fucking freezing cold there. sleeping with 4 blankets everynight apparently isnt enough in the plight to stay warm.

its all over...

hey hey

so ive spent the majority of the weekend writing an essay on Manet and i can finally say its done. lets just hope i dont get stung for some massive plagiarism! i cant believe its monday and ive wasted my entire weekend so much so i cant even remember what ive done. i got up in record laziness saturday morning. yup...11:40am. i would of happily slept longer if it wasnt for the fact i had half a terms worth of work to catch up on for school.

if all goes well, tomorrow should be the last of the work i need 2 get done for assessment. i think ive done pretty alright by all accounts. the amount of classes ive missed out on has meant a lot of my work has been done in my own time. yes i kno, if id just gone to school when i was spose to i wouldnt feel like such a loser staying home on a friday night to do school work. i am however a little tiny bit concerned about my attendence. its not gonna look 2 nice n i seriously do not wanna fail. im hoping my mum doesnt ask about my report cuz once she sees it shes gonna kno how many classes ive actually skipped- not fun!

so friday after school me, anna, adam and amanda went 2 inck for some cheap beers after our last class for the semester. it was rad. spontaneous stuff like that always turns out good n this was a nice little set up. i love that we're similar enough to have good conversations. we had amandas iMotion out with her ipod hooked up 2 it outside, sitting around drinking pots n rollin smokes. i thnk come the end of the break ill miss school n actually look forward 2 going back. i figure i already feel like this cuz i didnt catch onto school n get into it till kinda late in the semester. anyways...

2nite australia is playing japan in the world cup! im glad the games arent on at 2am in the morning or anything crazy like that. 10:30pm isnt too late n seeing as the games only go for 90 mins its especially good. i have a feeling we're gonna win...

peace out.

pretty little girl in a pretty little dress
pretty little smile shes a pretty little mess
kill a rose for petals
kill a tomb for stone
kill her pretty little heart
and take her soul to own

hey hey

so the stress is kicking in. i have a butt load of work to do by next thursday and im running out of time. yes its my fault and yes ive known about this since the beginning of the year but im one for leaving things to the last minute and as im quite the miracle worker im hoping ill be fine. having said that i only JUST remembered (again) that i have my essay on german expressionism to do. jesus christ!!

so saturday night was laurens little shin dig for her 21st. i didnt go cuz i was sick, and when i say i was sick i was really sick. it sucked cuz i was looking forward 2 helping her celebrate but i jus wasnt feeling up to it. and as this week is completely crucial to my educational survival, i didnt wanna make it worse by being out in the cold for however long, drinking copious amounts of beer, smoking cigarettes and all the while, making my throat feel worse. i couldnt help but feeling like she was pissed off at me today at school. i called her earlier tho n asked her whats up, apparently she wasnt pissed at all, she was jus suffering a headache. so..yea...

i was waiting at the tram stop this afternoon and this fucking junkie came n sat next to me n started conversation. i had my fucking ipod out and he was still trying to talk. he even said, turn that off. i cant even begin to tell u how freeking annoying he was. he asked my name (told him it was sarah) and stupidly said i was waiting for the 96 tram from collins street. u cant catch the 96 from collins street!!!! so he went on telling me where i can catch the fucking tram from when i really didnt give a shit cuz i was actually waiting on the 112. he was the most disgusting excuse for a human being ive seen in a while, clearly off his head and reeked to high heaven. he asked where im from, paniced n said the first place that came into my head...NSW. i dont know how 2 handle ppl like this so i have a tendency to freak out n lie so badly i cant come up with the goods. it jus sickens me that these people actually think im approachable. i rarely look approachable. people that first meet me swear im aggressive. why? cuz when im on my own, i dont look friendly!!!

over it...laters

ABOUT YOU
Your full name: noelle louise krause
Age: 19
Height: about 5'10
Natural hair colour: light brownish
Eye colour: some made up color
Number of siblings: 2 brothers n a sister
Glasses/contacts?: None
Piercings: ears and belly...soon to be more =P
Tattoos: 1 on my wrist
Braces?: nope

FAVOURITE
Colour: i dont really have a favorite color
Band: rage, queens of the stone age, NIN, tool, kidney thieves, a perfect circle
Song: right now im loving field mob feat. ciara- so what aaand nelly furtado's new song wit timbaland.
Stuffed animal: my monkey jimmy
Video game: omg...GTA san andreas probably. actually, any of the GTA games
TV show: prison break, the L word
Movie: pulp fiction, training day, heaps more...i cant think
Book: i dont read
Food: mexican and italian
Game on a cell phone: i dont play the games on it
CD cover: i dont kno the name of the singer or the cd but its of this chick with a whipped cream dress
Flower: christmas lilly
Scent: cocoa butter
Animal: any baby animal
Comic book: sin city
Cereal: crunchy nut clusters or milo cereal.
Website: LJ
Cartoon: sponge bob or charlie and lola

DO YOU
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: no
Have a crush on someone?: yes
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?: no
Have any special talents/skills?: hmmm, im a good cook. and i can do cool shit wit my tongue
Excercise daily?: hmm nothing crazy but i usually do something or another
Like school?: yea its not bad

HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?: nah. dnt need 2 now
Cried to get out of trouble?: no
Gotten lost in your city?: nah not really
Seen a shooting star?: Yep
Been to any other countries besides the united states?: I’ve never left Australia
Had a serious surgery?: Nope
Stolen something important to someone else?: No
Solved a rubiks cube?: by pealing the stickers off yea
Gone out in public in your pajamas?: i dont even have pJs
Cried over a girl?: Yes
Cried over a boy?: Yes
Kissed a random stranger?: Hmm...i knew their name =P
Hugged a random stranger?: yea actually...new years eve always brings out the random affectioness
Been in a fist fight?: Nope
Been arrested?: Close
Done drugs?: yes
Had alcohol?: yes
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?: ive laughed and had red bull go up my nose...not fun.
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?: nah
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?: lol yea i have actually...yea, i didnt think it was possible either.
Swore at your parents?: Who hasn't?
Been to warped tour?: No
Kicked a guy where it hurts?: yes
Been in love?: no
Been close to love?: nah
Been to a casino?: Yeah
Ran over an animal and killed it?: No
Broken a bone?: never
Gotten stitches?: no
Had a waterballoon fight in winter?: no...cuz thatd b smart and all.
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?: no
Made homemade muffins?: Yes
Bitten someone?: yea...it can feel good if its done rite.
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?: Nope
More than 5 times?: N/A
Been to niagra falls?: Nope
Gotten the chicken pox?: Yes

PICK ONE
Fruit/vegetables: Fruit
Black/white: Black
Lights on/lights off: Off
TV/movie: Movie
Car/truck: Car
Body spray/lotion: lotion
Cash/check: Cash
Pillows/blankets: blanket
Headache/stomach ache: Headache
Paint/charcoal: charcoal
Chinese food/mexican food: mexican
Summer/winter: spring
Snow/rain: snow
Fog/misty: fog
Rock/rap: Rock
Meat/vegetarian: Meat
Boy/girl: girl
Chocolate/vanilla: both
Sprinkles/icing: Icing
Cake/pie: pie
French toast/french fries: French Fries
Strawberries/blueberries: Strawberries
Ocean/swimming pool: ocean
Hugs/kisses: bothh
Cookies/muffins: Cookies
Wallet/pocket: pocket
Window/door: Window
Emo/goth: emo
Pink/purple: pink
Cat/dog: cat
Long sleeve/short sleeve: Short
Pants/shorts: Pants
Winter break/spring break: spring
Spring/autumn: Spring
Clouds/clear sky: clear
Moon/mars: Moon

FRIENDSHIP
How many friends do you have?: i dont know. depends on what kinda friends. close friends. 5
What are their names?: nunya
Do you have a best friend?: no
Have you ever liked one of your friends?: Yeah
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?: More girls
Have you ever lost a friend?: ive lost friends thru personal choice, not death.
Have you ever gone to an amusement park with a friend?: not really. ive been to like, the melbourne show with friends. thats amusing.
Whats an inside joke between you and a friend?: they arent really inside jokes, jus things thats happened that only a couple of us kno about cuz others werent there.
Have you ever gotten in a big arguement with a friend?: Yes
Whats the nicest thing youve ever done for a friend?: told them i love them
Whats the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?: told me they love me
Do you miss any of your old friends?: yes
What friends have you known the longest?: leesa and bryan. most of my friends back home ive known all my life pretty much.
Do you regret anything youve done to a friend?: not really
If so, what is it?: i can come across a little cold sometimes. its nothing usually, its jus sometimes i cant take people.
How often do you spend time with your friends?: well i dont get to see my friends from home much cuz i live away from them. friends from school i see everyday.
Do any of your friends drive?: Yes
Has a friend of yours ever died?: no
What do you think your friends think of you?: they love me. ima heaps laidback chick.

LOVE AND ALL THAT CRAP
Have you ever been in love?: Nah
If you have, with who?:
Are you single?: yes
Are you in a relationship?: no
If so, for how long?:
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?: yes
What is your idea of the best date?: something fun and relaxing. lots of conversation.
What was your first kiss like?: like any first kids...pretty bad.
How old were you when you got your first kiss?: 10 or 11.
Do you think love is a load of shit?: not at all. i think people who say it is are a load of shit...
Whats the best experiance youve ever had with the opposite sex?: i like spending time one on one. if im with a good guy ill always enjoy it. simple, spontaneous things are usually the most fun.
If you are single, have you had any boyfriends/girlfriends before?: nothing serious.
Have you ever been dumped?: Yes
Have you ever dumped someone?: Yes
Whats the most sexual thing youve done with the opposite sex?: sex

I....
am: not wanting to go to school 2moro.
want: to get another tattoo.
need: some piercings.
crave: kinder suprise chocolate.
love: sleep
hate: peas
did: fuck all today
feel: tired
miss: lauren
am annoyed by: not having money
would rather: be completely content and excited about everything.
am tired of: being me...
will always: be me...

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?: yes
pretty?: im attractive yea.
sarcastic?: Yes
lazy?: Yeah
hyper?: no
friendly?: yes
evil?: can be
smart?: yes
strong?: not paticularly
talented?: yes
dorky?: yes lol

Associate these words with someone you know:

high: myra, ellas friend. god shes always stoned.
dance: ella
lonely: kristy
pen: huh?
flower: ella rose
window: -
psycho: -
brain freeze: -

For or Against

suicide: against
love: for
drunk drivers: against
airplanes: for
canada: who cares. fucking americans creating these quiz questions, for fuck sake! theres more to the world then ur fucked up country!
united states: fucking against!
rock music: for
gay marriage: for
school: for
surveys: gives me something to do
parents: for
cars: for
killing: against
britney spears: who cares!
coffee: for
pants: for

Would You Ever:

Sky dive: yes
Play strip poker: yes
Run away: Yep
Curse at a teacher: yeah
Not take a shower for a week: god no
Ask someone out: yes
Lie to someone to make them think better of you: whats the point?
Visit a foreign country for more than a month: fuck yes
Go scuba diving: yes
Write a book: if i could yea
Become a rockstar: the older i get the more this appeals to me
Have casual sex: yesa

Last Questions

What shampoo do you use: i dont really care these days. i only use salon shampoo when i get foils.
When was the last time you did something sexual with the opposite sex: hmmm, a while ago now.
What kind of computer do you have: compaq
What grade are you in: First year tafe
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies: no, how retarded.
Or just make out: i go to the movies to see a movie. if i wanna make out, i can do that for free anywhere.
How many posters do you have in your room: none. im not allowed to put things up on these walls
How many cds do you have: a trillion
What time is it now: 938pm

god i am so tired!

i went to inck with andrea for drinks soon as i got home from school, and my little escapades with lauren. its funny cuz what was spose to be a beer turned into 3 pints. after that we went to safeway, bought some stuff for dinner and migrated to cotton on to buy some essentials. i really needed some kind of thermal thing, so long sleeve shirts were the answer.

im so not gonna complain about anything right now. i dont have the energy as im actually half pissed and oh-so-tired. even though i have so much to get off my chest, the only person i wanna talk to is amanda. and seeing as calling her for longer than 15 mins would cost an arm and a leg, im gonna have to resist. fucking sucks though. im so over not having money...

a new issue has arrised. jealousy...ooohh my worst quality! that once appears, stands out like a fucking sore thumb. my situation wit lauren is driving me nuts. the time i get to spend with her seems to go so quick i hardly get to enjoy it n she offen has something to do with whoever else. i kno shes clearly her own person, but when u miss somebody so much when ur not around them, it sucks when u dont get a real chance to make up for it. monday night she came over for dinner. from a lil after 8 till sometime after 12 was all the time i got to spend with her. most would say thats a pretty resonable amount of time but it went sooo damn fast its crazy. talking to her takes no effort. i can be myself around her n as dorky as i want n its fine...matter fact, i think she kinda likes it. i can tell her stories about dumb shit, personal things or whateva else and i dont feel the slightest bit uncomfortable. some of the things ive told her not even my friends ive know all my life know about. im scared that ima fall for her and have nothing come of it...its not even the fact she has a boyfriend that bothers me right now...its adam.

adams a good guy. were in the majority of the same classes and lauren really likes him. i think thats half the reason why recently hes been gettin on my nerves. the other half is the fact that he really likes her. i kno he likes her, n when i say that i mean more than a friend. i can tell by the way he talks to her, his body language and the way hes constantly around her. it drives me insane. im friends with adam and i respect him, but im that much into lauren that i cannot stand the way he is around her. what the fuck is wrong wit me? who am i to b mad at him for being friends with her? im scared that me telling her about how he makes me feel, will make her think ima psycho or something. im not a control freak and im not trying to make her feel uncomfortable. its just the jealousy in me, and its a big part of my personality.

everytime im around her i jus wanna hug her. when she says something funny or remotely cute, i wanna kiss her. its hard enough knowing nothing is gonna happen for as long as shes in a relationship, let alone fighting every form of affection i want to express. the worst thing about it is theres hardly any escape. i see her everyday at school and when im not around her i miss her. i know i shouldnt allow myself to feel like this...cuz im only gonna get hurt.

anyway. im gonna go 2 bed. that all came out easier than i expected.

gnite